blogitto ergo sum

August 26, 2005

#87 – Weddings, Beware [written in August 2005]

Filed under: family affairs,life matters,Opinionated — yael [ya-el] wagner @ 11:28
Tags: ,

I don’t do weddings, meaning I don’t attend them. Siblings, friends, family, colleagues; it doesn’t matter. I apologize and excuse myself. You may blame the fact that I have never made it to having my own wedding, and it may weding cakewell be a contributing factor, but it is in no way a key reason. Have you stopped recently (or ever) to think what is the meaning of a wedding? Quick lexical search suggests the following definitions

  • The social event at which the ceremony of marriage is performed
  • Marriage: the act of marrying; the nuptial ceremony
  • A party of people at a wedding
  • A civil or religious ceremony at which the beginning of a marriage is celebrated.
  • The ceremony or celebration of a marriage.

Nowhere has it said “the event in which a couple spends tens of thousands of dollars in one night”. Nor does it say “an event in which a couple feeds and entertains relatives, friends and parents’ associates who had done the same for them in the past, and are expected to reciprocate in the future”.

Worst of all, as Reggie put it today, it became an impersonal event. Now I understand what I meant when I was saying, “nobody needs me to decorate their wedding”. When such a personal special event turns impersonal, when the flower arrangements, table setting and the menu are the defining factors of the event, your friends and family are just part of the decoration, and I guess I resent it.
What is it all about? Two people are making a very serious commitment to each other; the most serious commitment they will ever make, other than the one made to their offsprings. They are happy about it (we hope), and want to share it with close ones, meaningful people in their life. Somehow, along the way, it mutated into this monstrous event. Now Wedding Voweswe deal with a long stretch of events, starting with the engagement party, ending with the breakfast following the wedding night. The joy, sharing the couples’ happiness is now drawn to death in engagement party, gift, shower, gift, RSVP, picking an outfit, wedding, gift.
One guy got so fad up that he went as far as creating “i_hate_weddings.com site. True, he is a comedian, and still. Check it out. Nothing great, yet the guy bluntly puts it, “If you hate ugly bridesmaid dresses, gift registries, and couples who think they are the center of the world just because their parents are spending a year’s pay on a party…this is the website for you”.

I am happy for every friend, relative and stranger who found happiness and is willing to make the commitment public and official. What I cannot understand is why to you need so many witnesses, and how do the gifts, showers and other headaches make it more significant or meaningful for you? Are you afraid that you’ll go back on your commitment? I understand the desire to share happiness with significant people in one’s life, but the weddings that take place these days are not about sharing the happiness and joy of a very special moment. Most weddings are about making a completely different statement, one that has to do with status, acting out your neuroses and lots of $$$. You may find it hard to believe that Googling “hate wedding” resulted in “about 1,130,000 for hate weddings. (0.28 seconds)”; 80% of those that I sampled are far from entertaining. Check this one: I Hate Weddings

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1 Comment »

  1. […] wagner @ 9:56 pm Tags: hate weddings, weddings If you hhaven’t read it yet, please jump to #87 – Weddings Beware. It will put this blog in the right […]

    Pingback by #128 - Year of the Ring « blogitto ergo sum — March 28, 2008 @ 21:56 | Reply


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