blogitto ergo sum

May 5, 2007

#101 still haven’t found what I’m looking for

Filed under: Uncategorized — yael [ya-el] wagner @ 10:17

InigoYou told me to go back to the beginning. So I have. This is where I am… (Inigo – The Princess Bride)

After 4 nights in Toronto, I find myself looking for a painless position on Air Canada flight from Toronto to San Francisco. And memories flash through my mind. On September 1999, when I left Israel for NJ, I picked an Air Canada flight. It made sense to stop for few days in my first home away from home, on my way to my new home away from home. Four years in Canada, followed by 4 years in Israel and here I was leaving, once again with a one-way ticket. NJ welcomed me with a serious storm. Dear Hurricane Floyd forced me to pull over and wait for the rain to ease a bit, as I couldn’t see more than a meter (3 feet) ahead, and was afraid of driving off the road.

Fast forward to today. California is not my HOME just yet, not in the true sense of home anyway. While I feel comfortable and at ease in many places, do I really know where my home is right now?
Not really.

Is it Israel? My roots and big many chunks of my identity, of who I am, are there. I long for China, I miss NY, and I love being in Toronto. What about Massachusetts you may ask. Well, sometimes a scared heart may bring one to boycott a State. But fear not. Pam, Vickie: be prepared. Time to concur Freedom Trail again. When is the Jaffrey’s fireworks show this year? It seems that every couple of years or so, I make a point of spending an evening on the grass, watching the latest and greatest fireworks out of China. Jaffrey's fireworks

This year, a quick search reveals, it’s August 25th. And talking about China… it’s time to go back. October seems to be a perfect time. Not only the weather is good in most provinces, but Yanly, my Canadian Chinese doctor is going.

And, did you know that I finally found a Chinese teacher? First lesson was the Monday before JavaOne. Once again I’ll be able to say 我学普通话 or 我普通话受大是不好。 Let’s hope I got it right.

101 times I captured what I was doing, thinking, going through, since the USA became my primary address. Better than a shrink, helps me keep in touch with those that stayed in whatever capacity in my life or in touch, and bring the new ones in. 101 times that I set down, missing you, or you, thinking what I’d be telling you if we were having cappuccino at Arcafe on a Saturday morning, Jasmine tea in that tea house not far from the Buddhist shrine in Shanghai, in the Second Cup in Toronto (Markham maybe?), or Panera Bread in NJ, Mass or CA.

101 “chapters”…and I still haven’t found what I’m looking for (U2)


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