blogitto ergo sum

October 17, 2009

#142 – Wasn’t Cool @ School

Filed under: Uncategorized — yael [ya-el] wagner @ 13:35

You could say many things about me, but no one, self included, would have classified me as cool when I was in school. I wasn’t good at sport; my parents weren’t Israel- born or among the founding families of Pardes Hana; we lived in a duplex while the cool ones all lived in a single family homes; and the fact that both my older brother and I skipped a class in the same year didn’t help. It was much more important to skip rope.
There was a time in which I was trying to fit in, to be like everyone else. It failed. Miserably too. Maybe this is when I realized that I wasn’t made for the herd. Years later, I do recognize though that while I wasn’t part of the herd, I was still heard. Enough students voted me to the chair of the school’s paper, I was performing w/the drama class . . . I wasn’t ignored; I was odd, with too many evenings lonelier than I’d liked them to be.
If I learned anything, painful though the learning had been, it was that the cost and effort of fitting in isn’t really worth it in the end. Fitting in does not bring happiness, joy or pride. All it means that instead of being loyal to self, one is loyal to the slimy, jelly like consensus that is brainless yet extremely judgmental. And the herd in one’s head can be such a rigid dictator. I quitted.
“It’s not easy being green” sings Kermit. “It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things, and people tend to pass you over ’cause you’re not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water or stars in the sky”… [Source: http://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/i/itsnoteasybeinggreen.shtml%5D
Why this walk down memory lane, you may wonder. Thing is, being home, recuperating, grounded and restricted, with my mind free to wonder does funny things to you. It’s all because of you! The support, visits, calls, SMS’s, emails, Skypes. . . the love and care I was surrounded with, plus my mom’s spoiling nursing made getting better such a good experience – it felt and feels good getting better with all this support. ‘Cause one can take pain killers, but I am not aware of “be my friend” pills.
Thank you guys, each and everyone who supported.

Clipart source:

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2 Comments »

  1. Isn’t it a shame that school kids are enlightened the way you are now. If we only knew back then ….
    Glad to hear you are healing well !

    Comment by Ellen Cohen — October 19, 2009 @ 00:26 | Reply

  2. Very nicely written ….

    Comment by Michal — October 19, 2009 @ 02:24 | Reply


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