blogitto ergo sum

June 14, 2010

#149 – Road Trip, Take I

Filed under: Uncategorized — yael [ya-el] wagner @ 05:57
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On Feb 26, l took the red eye to Toronto.  This was the easiest part of a trip in which time spent in car exceeded time spent in air.

not the actual travelers.

before i prejudice you about this trip, here’s Benji’s version.  Uncensored.

This is rather interesting as Debbie [Benji’s mom] and I plan our road trip to Eastern Canada next month.  Yes, all of us were in the car, 2 Shiloh Shepherds included.

Recipes for Disaster.  Writer/traveler: Benji Fitzerman

Volume One: The Road Trip

In order to achieve a truly disastrous road trip, you need not veer your vehicle off the side of a cliff as Hollywood movies like “Thelma and Louise” may have you believe.  In fact, as I have come to learn from my travels, being awake for the trip is not even necessary on the part of the passengers for it to be a full-blown disaster… Though it certainly does help for the driver to, at the very least, be somewhat functional behind the wheel.  I would suggest driving with a bottle of malt liquor between the legs, but different strokes…

To begin your disastrous road trip you need one large and roomy vehicle.  You could use a mini-van or a sport utility vehicle, but remember, the bigger the better!

Once you have acquired your roomy vehicle for your road trip, ensure there is a minimum of three passengers. Four would be ideal.  Upon finding willing participants for your disastrous road trip (god help them) add at least one large dog to the mix, and restrict luggage capacity for the passengers to a sandwich-sized Ziploc bag, for added fun!

Remember, you can never ensure enough comfort for your furry companions, so be sure that you place the large dog(s) in the rear of the roomy vehicle, and dedicate the rear 60% of the vehicle solely for non-human sleeping purposes. The more of the vehicle devoted to the dog(s), the greater the chances of your success!  Now shoehorn your travel companions into the remaining 35% of the vehicle, while being sure to cram the luggage away from the dogs in the remaining 5%. As the driver, you should always remember to shriek, holler, or lose your head at the slightest suggestion from any of your companions about storing luggage with the animal(s). Because as the driver, you are the supreme ruler of the road trip, and no one knows better than you!

Should any of your travel companions decide to sleep through this road trip of disaster and discomfort, kindly remind them that what they had decided to do was rude and selfish.  Because, after all, this road trip was deigned for them, and they should be awake for every moment of it!

Dogs photo from:


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