blogitto ergo sum

November 20, 2011

#200 – jump jump jump jump!

Filed under: life matters — yael [ya-el] wagner @ 19:39
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

this one is to Eric, my dear torturer, and Eran who initiated my gym journey of pain.

“When I say jump, you say how high

I ain’t never seen nobody-ody get so high

Like a bird, like a plane, this party-arty insane

This party-arty insane, so jump jump jump jump!”

In the past six months, I spent at least half of my time in pain.  Simple, basic physical pain in which my body sends pain messages when I get up, sit down, walk, climb the stairs.  Muscles and ligaments protest, I hurt, and they call it progress.

It started with Eran’s gift of gym membership and a set of personal torture sessions.  “Guilt” says Eran, “is just like potential.  If you don’t use it, it goes to waste.”  How could I not use a gift that cares for my physical well-being?  Can’t.

It was sheer luck that the Marine-style torturer Eran and I picked from the list wasn’t available.  Instead, a week later, Eric was offered as a good fit.

In our intro meeting, Eric’s first question was, “what are your goals coming to the gym?”  I gave him the kind of look that questions one’s basic intelligence.  “This is a gym, people come here to suffer, I got a gift, I am here to use it” I said, omitting the “you gotta be kidding.”  Yet, he insisted; “now that you are here, what are your goals?”

“well, if you insist, my goals would be

  • Unhate the gym
  • Stop wishing that no one talks to me in my first 5 minutes in the office – so they won’t notice my short breath after climbing the stairs
  • Get in a better shape.”

To his credit, he didn’t flinch too much with the “unhate the gym.”

And so our torturer–tortured affair started.  My 1st task was to teach him the true meaning of PT, i.e. Personal Torturer.  I also had to teach him some basic English.  1st English lesson: in proper English “today we are going to have some fun” is translated to “today i’m gonna make you hurt.  Expect no fun.”  Through our first month, while Eric was learning English, my muscles were learning pain.  Who’d imagine that getting off your seat can be such a painful experience?

One extra painful session I told Eric that if I’m suffering he has to work too.  “Counting in Hebrew” I argued, “would make my suffering more tolerable, friendlier, as I’d suffer to the sounds of my native language.” Since he already mastered his English, now it was time for Hebrew. By now, Eric’s Hebrew vocabulary includes: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, left, right, please/you’re welcome, thank you, stop, more.  All put to painful use regularly!

harder and hurter than it looks

Another session, hating & hurting the endurance torture of side plank, I asked Eric to sing for as long as he wants me to endure.  He did.  Still does.  I can’t help laughing every time this goes on.  Laughing takes the pain away.  Sometimes however, the musical choice is less than great.

With time, more and more gym torturers were informed of their correct job title.  All accepted the title with a smile.  Some returned the favor, encouraging Eric to push me further; torture is as torturer does.

It was three months before I recognized a change I was willing to admit.  You see, gym is not the place for one to lose weight.  It’s the place to replace fat with muscle.  Over one session, as I was explaining the Pareto principle, I got in return Eric’s Pareto gym version.  “You work out for one hour day; you got 23 hours to eat [destroy] its benefits.”

I didn’t end the torture sessions once Eran’s gift expired.  How could I end something which contributes to my benefit and health?  Am I saying it’s a bad gift?  Guilt kicks in, and I’m at the gym.

The exercise bike that occupies too much space in my living room gets used regularly now.  I got no endorphins rush nor addiction; I don’t think I ever will.  What I got is an amazing torturer that keeps it interesting, entertaining, accommodating.  And some results + commitment and guilt.

Few weeks ago, the day’s torture was a series of exercises, involving do 15 X, do treadmill, do 20 Y, back to treadmill, do 15 Z, back to treadmill.  I thought that Eric long ago made peace with my NO RUNNING veto.  And yet he tried again.  Running veto means that I’m happy with 3.8 mi/hr walking, regardless of incline.  “I want you to go up to 4.5 m/h” asked Eric.

“What’s in it for me” I asked without blushing.  I rejected the first proposal; accepted the one of two home-baked breads; zucchini and banana.  Treadmill setting went to 4.5, and my guilt for getting such a great bargain brought me back to the gym the following day to walk 1.5 miles @ 4.5 m/h to make it a fair deal.  To my astonishment, not only I got the breads, but the recipes were altered to reduce the fat, cholesterol and calorie intake involved.  That’s commitment.
Still here?  I had no idea I have so much to be thankful for.   So what’s with the jump?  Other than the no running veto, I vetoed the rope jumping/skipping.  I have no good justification for vetoing jumps. Still, I won’t.  Meanwhile, six months into reforming my habits, Eric earned his very own ringtone.  in case you didn’t yet guess, it’s a cut of Flo Rida’s Jump.  Well deserved.  Thank you, Eric.

Nelly Furtado – Jump & Plank?



  1. who is this person writing this blog? good for you – learning to trust is good.

    Comment by Pat — November 20, 2011 @ 21:16 | Reply

    • make sure your treadmill is in working condition for my visit 🙂

      Comment by yael [ya-el] wagner — November 20, 2011 @ 22:06 | Reply

    • You’ve really captured all the esilstnaes in this subject area, haven’t you?

      Comment by Caroline — August 31, 2014 @ 04:21 | Reply

  2. Pain=sideplank
    Consider yourself awesome if you are getting beyond the pain!

    Comment by webersue — November 21, 2011 @ 22:06 | Reply

    • thank you. 🙂
      i replace pain [of area one] w/pain in area 2. so far, it’s hurting 🙂 and working!

      Comment by yael [ya-el] wagner — November 21, 2011 @ 22:35 | Reply

  3. One of your best, enjoyed eading it. When will you try a Zumba class? Now that’s fun!

    Comment by Talli — November 22, 2011 @ 08:27 | Reply

  4. […] remember to click the link to donate at the end of this chapter.  or you could do it HERE and […]

    Pingback by #201 – about a sheep « blogitto ergo sum — December 7, 2011 @ 01:23 | Reply

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